4>: Week 3 - Motherhood

"Babies are monsters of narcissism who believe there has never been another human being in the history of the world and who also believe deep down in their tiny little baby souls that you exist solely for the purpose of attending to their needs." ~ John Green

That is, at the moment, my most dear piece of wisdom from one of my favorite authors and youtube stars.

Yes, I spend a lot of time watching youtube these days. I have found a fair amount of interesting channels....and there really aren't enough decent (and free) TV shows available to fill my days. And watching Youtube is why I haven't updated my blog. Not to mention that typing sporadically and one-handed leads to way too many typos. Even I couldn't decipher what I had originally meant to say by the time I finished one potential post.

And I've wanted to blog. To talk about babies and about how time passes so quickly. How the Otter has survived three weeks--and so have I. I've even showered almost every day.

I meant to pontificate about the challenge of being a stay at home mom--and how equally hard it would be to be a working mom. Then explain how I still have no idea if I will go back to work or not.

I wanted to talk about the odd mix of joy and boredom that consume my days now. About how my favorite part of the day is snuggling with my two loves. And how they snuggle back. Until they snore. Loudly.

About crazy things that newborns do. And that I am dangerously close to becoming a parental hypochondriac because of them.

According to the video above, Step 7 is: you cry. Unavoidable truth, there. So, I wanted to talk about fear and how anxiety is not a constant companion but is always there. About their looming presence clouding the back of my mind, hidden until they slowly creep in when I'm not paying attention.

And how "Megan, you are not crazy." and "Megan, stop being crazy." are inexplicably contradictory and yet equally valid statements.

And about being grateful. That Man patiently steadies me whenever that storm hits. And that the Lord knows me well enough to have provided a husband to keep me grounded.

I was going to write about reaching out for help. And then.. on how bad I am at doing so. And then on how thankful I am that friends are so good at reaching out for me. And how almost everything I'm feeling and fearing and freaking out about... "Yea, me too." Normal. Expected. This is motherhood; A convoluted mess of unfinished thoughts.

As for photos.. I missed two days (Feb 5-6). And more than I had wanted, my photos are snapshots from my phone, capturing a moment more than a good photo. More and more I find it challenging to take a picture of something interesting...my surroundings have been pretty much the same with the exception of a few short trips out of the house. I wish I could say I feel bad for this, but the fact that I'm still trying to take photos (even from my phone which has a horrible lack of clarity) is enough for me.

Feb 7: Product Placement